ALERT: Turp’s a Phony Baltimore Sports Bar

Last night I decided to pay Turp’s sports bar a visit. If you read my previous review of Turp’s, you know that I found it to be a great new spot in Mt. Vernon. The beers and food are delicious and cheap and there is Baltimore sports paraphernalia all over.

I’ve had my heart broken before and do not consider myself naive, thus I was aware from the start of Turp’s suspect credibility as a true Baltimore Sports Bar–which I will henceforth abbreviate as BSB. After all, a real BSB acquires the pieces of local lore and sports mementos that hang on its walls over many years of dedication to the city. Turp’s, by contrast, seems to have taken what I would call the “Applebee’s Approach,” and just bought a ton of Baltimore sports stuff in one fell swoop to appear to be legit. For a while, I have been content to give Turp’s the benefit of the doubt in terms of the bar’s intentions  and still consider it a BSB.

Does this look like a Raven to you?

However, last night all that changed. I was sipping my beer in one of the booths, when who should I see but the owner, John Turpin himself. As I approached with the intention  of buying him a cold Boh, I noticed that he was wearing a hat with the NFL emblem on the back. Even without being able to see the logo on the front, something–call it an innate  sense of Baltimore authenticity–told me that this was no Ravens hat. As Turpin turned, I began to see what could only  be described as a sideways blue and silver triangle which, as he continued turning, revealed itself to be none other that the star of the Dallas Cowboys!

How is one supposed to enjoy a BSB when the owner of said bar is practically flaunting his lack of allegiance to Baltimore sports?! I don’t know if Turpin is a Cowboys fan or if he is a Ravens fan that just thinks the Cowboys “have a cool logo” but both are equally offensive in my book. What makes it even worse is the illustration of John Turpin in the menu, which depicts him wearing an Orioles jersey and drinking a Natty Boh. Shouldn’t that be a Rangers jersey and a Shiner Bock in his hand?

I won’t be boycotting Turp’s since the value is too good, but I can’t help but feel disillusioned since discovering that it is likely operated, not by a Baltimore Sports fan, but a phony Dallas fan. As a Mount Vernon resident with few options for quality sports bars, I beg you, John Turpin, to make a grown up decision, apologize to everyone, and TAKE OFF YOUR HAT!


6 responses to “ALERT: Turp’s a Phony Baltimore Sports Bar

  1. Hampster, I had a similar moment of realization in my youth. For many years one of the main reasons I enjoyed going to Porter’s in Fed Hill was because of the sign on the door proclaimed that know more than three Red Sox fans could be in the bar at once. As any true Baltimore sports fan would know, this is not only funny, but very practical. A nice sports bar can turn into a sweaty dumpster when the Red Sox are in town. But the I discovered that the owner had put the sign up because he was a Yankees fan. I was very disappointed. It was like in the Christmas Story when Ralphie gets the Orphan Annie Secret Decoder and the secret message is just an advertisement for Ovaltine. The sign on the door was just one more example of the ESPN created rivalry between Yankees and Red Sox being shoved down our throats. I still went the Porter’s because of amazing location, but it never quite felt the same. Now Porter’s is closed I can dream every night that it will be bought by someone who bleeds orange.

  2. Can’t stop going there. It’s the only place I have ever had tons of beers, pizza, and nachos for under 8 dollars. The waiter even gave us a free bucket of beers because the pizza took a little longer than normal. Maybe it was the 8 95 cent tallboys I had consumed but I couldn’t even tell that it took long.

  3. Yeah, I’ll continue going too. 2 pints of beer and splitting nachos for under $4, tip included, is too good to pass up.

  4. I understand your disapointment but please let me explain.First of all, unfortunally, I am old enough to remember when the colts left baltimore. I was very young but I was woken up by my father in the middle of the night to see the mayflower vans rolling out. I was too young to understand the gravity of the situation but I do remember that my father was crying and he told me I better never become a Redskins fan. Well, who better than their arch rivals the Cowboys. What am I gonna do, not be a football fan.However, in 96 we landed the Ravens and I immediatly went out and bought season tickets.I’ve been to many games including road trips and 2 AFC championship games.(those tickets are included in the “Applebees Approach” memorabellia. Also, the 20-25 Orioles games I attend each year including Cal’s last game, camping out for countless opening days,2130,2131, 96 playoffs, 97 playoffs etc. This, including my natty boh guy in an orioles uniform tatoo,can attest to my love of baltimore sports. While I’ll admit it is hard to give up on my first love, rest assured, if it comes down to the superbowl I will be rooting purple and black.

  5. Pingback: Article Retracted, Turp’s is actually Sweet » Bohs and O's

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