I would like to issue an apology to the rest of the country for the horrible game that you probably turned off in the first half last night. I am not sure why MNF scheduled this game in the first place. The Browns are pathetic and the Ravens have never really been known for their exciting offense. I would be interested to know what the ratings for this game were outside Baltimore. I am sure most people in Baltimore kept the game on even if they fell asleep in front of the TV, but for the rest of the county this must have been one of the lowest rated MNF games in recent memory. I doubt many people were interested in watching the worst franchise in the NFL take on a team that is, judging by last night’s performance, no better than mediocre.
If it wasn’t for the sign that advocated keeping Art Modell out of the HOF, I would have felt sorry for Brown’s fans. Despite the fact that John Gruden fell in love with him during the first half, Brady Quinn is a bad QB. He clearly lacks the ability to throw more than a five yard pass because no coaching staff can be stupid enough to not test the Ravens’ secondary if they have the ability to do so. If it is possible that I could hate Brady Quinn anymore than I did at Notre Dame, I do now because of the cheap shot he took on T-Sizzle’s knee. Finally as the clock hit zero one would think that night’s misery would end for the Browns, but the Ravens, or maybe the universe, decided that the Brown’s had not yet had enough. Apparently Eric Mangini knows a play that will score 16 points for his team because with three seconds left he decided to call a hook and latter to Josh Cribbs who was hit hard by Duan Edwards and had to be carted off the field. Luckily for Mangini, not a single Browns’ fan was left in the stadium to witness this final act of coaching ineptitude. The only mercy handed out last night was to Cribbs who may never have to don that disgusting uniform again.
As for those of us back in Baltimore (at least the ones able to avoid the temptation to turn on Gossip Girl) there was not much to cheer for either. I stood up to cheer twice in a span of two minutes when the Ravens scored their two TDs and then once mockingly when Steve Houshka managed to put a ball between the uprights. (Houshka was just released by the Ravens and is rumored to have been sent down to the farm with Daniel Cabrera. And I am not talking about the minor leagues. I am talking about an actual farm where the two of them will throw and kick things at the broadside of a barn to see if they can hit it.) Other than that the only times I stood up were to retrieve my next Boh. I have never been less excited after a Ravens win. I barely even read the sports sections this morning. I have also never been surer that we are going to lose next weekend. If we play like we did against the Browns the NFL may have to invoke the slaughter rule next week against Peyton Manning and the Colts. It seems like a long, long time ago that we were sitting atop the ESPN Power Rankings. Baltimore slam pieces start picking out your favorite Rom Coms because if there ever was a time that the Baltimore Boh drinking bros are going to need a Sunday night girlfriend it is next weekend at about 4:15.