UM Regents to GOP: fear turtles, not hardcore porn

The University of Maryland was involved in a controversy a few months ago when one of its student clubs attempted to show the XXX-rated film “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge.” Aside from the fact that this movie was massively overrated, the incident made national headlines and caused quite a stink  among conservative state legislators. So much of a stink, in fact, that they tried to create a policy regulating the display of pornographic films on its campuses.  In an unprecedented display of douchiness, Sen. Andy Harris, a Republican representing Baltimore and Harford counties, even tried to amend the state budget so that public universities like Maryland could not get their funding unless they developed a pornography policy.

Thankfully for porn and 1st amendment fans everywhere, the University of Maryland has chosen to defy these state legislators, citing the potential for costly free-speech lawsuits.  Had UM gone along with creating such a policy, the state would have had the distinction of being the only one in the nation to pass a pornography policy for its public campuses. This is not a distinction I’d like to see our state earn.

The University of Maryland should be commended for standing up to these moronic conservative voices who somehow think that kids won’t be exposed to sex while in college anyway. In honor of the UM board, I’ve composed a little diddy (set to the tune of bud lite commercials):

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(Real men of Geeeenius)

Today we salute you. Mr. Maryland Board of Regents Guy

(Mr. Maryland Board of Regents Guy!)

You stood up to conservatives who wanted to censor porn

Protecting the 1st amendment and pimply-faced freshmen all over

(can I get some Clearasil)

Sure, your college is at risk of having its funding cut off,

(Watch out now!)

But your intellect and love of naked people doing hanky panky won in the end,

And if you do lose funding, who cares? You’ve still got a massive stash of porn

(Why isn’t ‘Face Jam’ on blu ray?)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, you big perv. Because any time a Maryland student watches porn, he’ll be thinking of you.

(Mr. Maryland Board of Regents Guy!)

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One response to “UM Regents to GOP: fear turtles, not hardcore porn

  1. You’re the next Taylor Swift.

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