Sullivan’s Suck House

Whether you like to eat shit or be treated like shit, Sullivan’s Steakhouse is the place for you.  In all fairness to Sullivan’s they did not give me the opportunity to try the food, but one must assume that any food served in such a miserable atmosphere tastes like shit.  As our avid readers know, my fellow blogger, rabbieli, wrote a post on the Best of Baltimore.  Today, I show you the worst, Sullivan’s Steak House on Light Street.

When I walked in was not sure if I had entered Sullivan’s or a trendy night club.  I quickly learned that they are one in the same.  An inordinate amount of people seemed to be alumni from the Abercrombie & Fitch University wrestling team which was apparently founded in 1892.  I guess there must have been a reunion….  Obnoxious, thumping music assaulted my ears and had I ever been seated I don’t think I would have been able to hold a conversation with the person sitting next to me.  This was about the time that I was laughed at by another diner and his girlfriend (who was dressed like a loose moraled zebra) for wearing a blazer to dinner.  They were right.  Had I know the class of the establishment I also would have thought wearing a Blazer was funny.

When I finally made my way to the hostess, either because of the din of the music or because she had no manners, she screamed at me to inform me that my table was not yet ready.  “Go have fun in the bar!” she screamed.  Easier said than done.  I, of course, ordered a Natty Boh and as expected I was laughed at by a bartender in fishnet stockings.  I was almost pleased they did not have Natty Boh.  I would have had to call that big guy from the Miller commercials who comes into to remove quality beer from horrible establishments.  So instead I ordered a $9 cup of ice with a drop of Whiskey and a splash of Coke.

We suffered through 45 minutes in the bar/sauna before calling Ruth’s Chris Steak House.  We told them our tale and they mercifully said they would have a table ready for us in 5 minutes.  After fighting our way back to the exit, we informed the hostess that we had been waiting for an hour and that we would be leaving to dine with one their competitors.  We stayed just long to hear her say matter-of-factly that we had only been waiting for 45 minutes.  I would recommend that Baltimoreans avoid Sullivan’s at all costs.  I had to bathe in Old Bay that night to regain the feeling of being a true Baltimorean.


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